Sticks and stones

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
— Thumper

Double negatives aside (seriously, Walt; I’m blaming you for that epidemic of bad grammar) Thumper had it right. Sadly, certain sections of the interwebs don’t subscribe to the Wise Bunny school of philosophy, and that’s the theme of the meme this Monday.

Meme instructions: Answer the following questions either on your own blog, in the comments of this post or on any social platform.

Have you ever been subjected to mean comments online by strangers? If not, then skip to question #5.

More times than I’ve had proverbial hot dinners. Opinions are like arseholes; everybody has one, and some people enjoy exposing them, whether they’re wanted or not. In Second Life they mainly come in response to my looks, to my profile, or to my cuddling my boyfriend. More on that last one in a bit.

How did you respond to them?

If I’m out and about, I teleport away. If the abuse occurs in a store, then I always notecard the store owner, telling them what happened. If I’m at home, then it’s Freeze > Eject > Ban.

How did they make you feel?

It depends what form the abuse takes. The plain ol’ ignorant just makes me roll my eyes, but sometimes… yeah, there have been occasions where I’ve been really badly affected by things said to me. Mostly I try to let it roll off my back, and sometimes I’ll retaliate by pouring my anger or pain into building something inworld, like I did here.

Can you share some of the mean comments you’ve received and your thoughts on them?

  • “Ugh. Why can’t you just be NORMAL?” (said by some guy who just walked into our home when Daros and I were cuddling on the couch one day)
    Whose definition of ‘normal’ should I adhere to, if you please? Yours? But what about the next guy to tell me I’m abnormal? Shouldn’t I adhere to HIS definition or ‘normal’ instead? Should I flip-flop between the two of you, until a third guy comes along to tell me what I should be? Tell you what: you just fuck off back to Normo-Land, and I’ll stay gloriously gay-n-freaky with my beautiful boyfriend, ‘kay?
  • “You need to die of cancer.” (said by some guy when I was out shopping)
    Why, thank you. I guess that makes a change from “You need to die of AIDS.” I appreciate your originality.
  • “HEY FAGGOT! WHERE’S THE HAIR IN HERE?” (said by some guy in the Aitui store when I was out shopping)
    SinHUD :: Gay Sex :: Attached.
    Mmmm, well hello there, stud. Why don’t you make it worth my while telling you, huh?
    *swirly lights*
    /me pouts. Aww, he teleported out.
  • “I think he’s a pedophile.” (said about me by a child avatar in the Redgrave store when I was out shopping)
    Oh, I am fucking OUT of here.

Have you ever ridiculed or negatively commented on someone else’s work, actions or personality with the intention to hurt them?

Never with the deliberate intention of hurting someone, no (unless they’ve already hurt me and I’m lashing out in the immediate retaliation of that pain). Yes, I’ve privately joked about things, and I think that anyone who proclaims complete innocence in that sense… well, “Let he who is without sin,” and all that. I would never dream of saying something like that to someone’s face or in public, but yes, I’ll admit to taking the piss sometimes behind someone’s back. It’s usually pretty tame, though: along the lines of, “What on earth is s/he wearing?!” etc.

Further to Berry’s original post, I watched the Monica Lewinsky TED talk a few weeks ago, and was impressed with it. I’m going to raise it with another inspirational TED talk by another young woman who has been ridiculed all her life, for being “different” – Lizzie Valasquez: “I choose to be happy”.


Coat: Stitched – Martin (black) [ adele.bumblefoot ]

Hair: Exile – Electric Soul (raven)* [ kavar.cleanslate ]

Headdress: Zenith – Day of the Dead Skull & Flower Wreath [ miffyhoi.rosca ]

Piercings: Random Matter – Chani Nose Chain (black/silver) [ nikohl.hax ]

Skin: The Plastik – Immortalia (Ettore) [ aikea.rieko ]

Makeup: Nuuna – Yair Makeup (black) [ nuuna.nitely ]

Eyeshadow: KK – Sparkle Smokey Eyeshadow [ prits.loxely ]

Eyes: IKON – Sovereign Eyes (grey) [ ikon.innovia ]

Hands: Slink – AvEnhance Male Hands V2 (relax) [ siddean.munro ]

Nail Appliers: A:S:S – Slink V2 Nails (Morocco)* [ photos.nikolaidis ]
– new lucky chair item

Poses: GlamRus [ glamrus ]

*review copy

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2 thoughts on “Sticks and stones
  1. Skell,
    I wanted you to know, that I adore your pictures. I love your style and think that you should love whom ever you love with much gusto. There are days when I want to reach through the screen and strangle some people. Anyone who goes out of their way to make someone feel badly because of whom they love really just annoys the heck out of me.
    Live happy, Live free, live well just to spite them.

    1. Thank you so much :-)

      That’s exactly what I try to do in retaliation: live well. I liked what Lizzie Valasquez’s dad said to her in the video I posted: “You’re allowed one good cry, then you pull yourself back up and keep going.” Sometimes you do need that one good cry, because the emotions that abuse like that can bring up are best vented safely, and crying can be cathartic. But after that, as my Nan always said: “You just got to keep a-doin’.”

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